asherdashery (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asherdashery) wrote2012-08-24 07:45 am
asherdashery) wrote2012-08-24 07:45 am
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DVD Commentary: Alberton Project - 18. Limber Up
[The Alberton Project was a challenge I made to myself to write a little flash fiction snippet of our zombie RP story thing for each of the 33 rules of Zombieland. Most of the results ended up having nothing to do with zombies, because I actually do not know much about zombies. I'm just in it for awesome broships and surprise romance in the face of adversity and to curse a lot.
This one has very little to do with the prompt as a whole, and I don't remember my thought process in writing it, except that I really wanted to do it. It started on the assumption that Kaleb and Psy got split up like they did in the Zombieland era of this RP, though I'm not sure on the current "canon" of events now.]
Walt kept his eyes on the road, though his hands tightened on the wheel with each of Isaiah's labored breaths until he didn't think he could feel his fingers anymore. He tried not to let it show. "I appreciate this, Kaleb," he said, holding his voice low.
[Because Kaleb was looking for Psy, and going back to the Farm is a huge delay for him. Kaleb is a pack animal, though, and he would have gotten attached to Isaiah by this point, too. Of course he'd take them back. Walt knows that, too, but he needs to say something.]
Kaleb shrugged. "Yeah, well." He didn't say anything after that. He just wrestled with the fold-out map, though Walt had noticed he'd stopped using it when they'd entered the city limits.
[Kaleb spent a long time at the Farm, he knows the place like the back of his hand. He considers it home now. Also, he's probably not very good at reading maps, since he's not very good at, you know, reading.]
"Really. If you didn't know this place," Walt began, but he broke off as Isaiah moaned in the backseat. Kaleb turned and then stretched over the armrest to check on him.
Walt glanced at Kaleb as he dropped back into his seat. "Fever's pretty bad," said Kaleb.
[He's probably infected. Not with zombie germs, but there's no medical care around and if you're at all seriously wounded, you're probably a goner.]
Neither of them spoke for a moment. "I know this is slowing you down," Walt finally said.
"Nah." Kaleb scratched the back of his neck and looked out the window. "I don't think he went that way. [It takes a lot for Kaleb to admit something he's doing is futile. So he doesn't.] I'll just look south this time. Turn right up there, and then left through the gate," he said, nodding ahead.
Walt took the corner as gently as he could, but the roads were in bad condition and he couldn't help jostling Isaiah. He breathed in slowly, watching the boy in the backseat--was everyone younger in their sleep? He watched Isaiah pale in the rearview mirror and swallowed.
[Because I think Isaiah is in some way Walt's humanity. Without Isaiah, Walt won't give up on everyone else, exactly, but he'll give up on letting things in, on being a whole person instead of a wry smile and a rifle.]
He jumped when Kaleb punched his shoulder.
[Walt doesn't know he's almost pack yet, but that's a good indication.]
"Don't worry." Kaleb propped his elbow against the passenger door and rested his temple on his fist. "Cookie's a sheep, but he's good. He'll fix your buddy."
[Kaleb's cool with all the gay dudes macking on each other in his life, but he doesn't really know how to express that. He's from Bumfuck, Montana. "Buddy" is the best he can do.]
Walt wasn't sure what to say. "Thanks, Kaleb," he managed.
"Sure." He pointed. "Right up that road."
"Hah," Walt said as they turned onto the campus grounds. "It's on a university?"
"Guess so. Why?"
Walt shook his head. "Nothing. Just a conversation I had, once. Which way?"
[This was awkward and I almost cut it, but the college thing was one of the conversations I got to see between Walt and Isaiah, so.]
"Right."
The classroom buildings gave way to open land and then a cornfield. Walt saw the farm in the distance and made for it without having to be told.
"Do we knock?"
Kaleb dropped any pretense at reading the map. "They'll hear the car."
Walt parked directly in front of the door and got out to help Kaleb carry Isaiah, but Kaleb shrugged him off. "I got it, Potsheep," he said, and Walt stepped back and turned off the engine. In the sudden silence he heard activity on the other side of the door.
[I kind of wish I'd taken another moment to linger on how Walt wants to take care of something he's starting to realize he wants to be his. Of course Kaleb can carry Isaiah, he is a big strapping dude with no other redeeming qualities. But Isaiah is Walt's. And Walt is starting to realize he might be thinking like that.]
Ignoring what he'd said himself, Kaleb kicked at the door.
"Hold on, we've just got to—" someone said, and then the door swung inward. A tall, sallow man in a lab coat looked up and then gaped at Kaleb.
"Little help here, Sheep?" Kaleb grunted.
"Kal--" Kaleb shouldered his way past and strode in like he owned the place. Walt pocketed the Pilot's keys and followed after.
A few others crowded into the entrance hall, but Kaleb spoke over all of them. "Save it--this guy's in bad shape, so if you'd move--"
The white coat who'd opened the door seemed to gather himself. [Since I was writing this from Walt's perspective, I tried really hard not to use characters' names, since Walt hadn't met them yet.] "Take him to the back room, Kaleb. Mack, go get a kit from the lab. Josh, blankets." The boys darted away and he closed the door. He turned to the one left, the girl. "Ashleigh, I need your help." She straightened and nodded and hurried after Kaleb.
"Um," Walt started, raising his hand.
[But even if he's maybe a wreck about Isaiah, Walt can't help being kind of funny.]
The man looked back at him and blinked. "Oh. Hello. Er." His eyes flicked back down the hall, then returned. "Sorry, we'll introduce ourselves later. Can you move the table back in front of the door?"
"Sure." The coat smiled distractedly and headed off, and Walt added, "Thanks for helping us."
The man--Cookiesheep?--glanced back, surprised. "Of course," he said, as if it were obvious.
[And goodness isn't as obvious to Walt, Kaleb, and Simon as it is to the others. I think that might be part of what Kaleb recognizes, what makes them pack.]
Walt stared after him a moment. Kaleb, of all people, knew people like these.
[And I think Walt and Simon have a pack sense, too. Simon probably more than Walt, but Walt knows enough about Kaleb to be surprised by this.]
He pushed a wooden table in front of the door, telling himself he wasn't listening for voices down the hall but hearing them anyway. The man was quiet, but his directions came quickly, and Walt felt a knot start to loosen in his chest that he hadn't known was there. He heard Kaleb start to say something, but the girl snapped at him, and the doctor threw him out before it could escalate into a fight.
[Kaleigh 5eva.]
Walt passed through the foyer and found himself in the kitchen, where their hosts had clearly been interrupted mid-snack. Kaleb padded back into view and made straight for an unfinished bag of potato chips.
"You all right, Pot--?"
"What the fuck is going on out there?"
They both froze.
[Simon is the hardest to write, bleh.]
A door opened further down the hall. "Who the hell is this fag? Is he dead?"
"No--please, Simon, I'm trying to--"
"Get out of the way, Simon!" the girl snapped.
Kaleb dropped the potato chip and lunged toward the hall, but caught himself at the corner. He held his breath.
"You better not be expecting to keep Siddhartha here, this place is already a stupid fucking zoo for pussies." The door creaked again.
[Char, come in here and fix all of Simon's dialogue, okay. Although I like the Siddhartha comment.]
"Oh--Simon, Kaleb's--"
But they'd already seen each other.
Walt saw the line of Kaleb's shoulders change. He thought for a moment he might--
[I don't remember if Walt was thinking Kaleb might hug Simon or cry. One of those.]
But then Kaleb tore down the hall and tackled Simon to the floor.
They crashed into the wall in a tangled yell of punches and swears, and Cookiesheep came back to the door at the same time Walt got to the hall. "Si--Kaleb, stop!" the doctor said, but Kaleb had the upper hand and he landed a couple solid blows to Simon's jaw before Simon threw him off. "Simon!" But Simon wasn't listening, either, and Kaleb coughed as Simon kneed him in the ribs. Cookiesheep started forward to separate them.
[Because Lyall hasn't been introduced to him yet by name, he has to call him Cookiesheep.]
"Let them," Walt said. Cookie stared at him and he shook his head. "I'll make sure they don't kill each other."
[Walt doesn't know he's pack, but he knows how to handle pack.]
The man hesitated, but then Kaleb shouted, "You fucking cockhat good-for-nothing ASSCUNT!"
[Asscunt. What does that even mean. I like that word, it shows how little Kaleb actually thinks about the things he says, and how he has so many feelings he just CAN'T. EXPRESS. HOW MUCH OF AN ASSCUNT SIMON IS!]
That seemed to decide him, and he nodded to Walt. "I'll leave them to you."
[Lyall's gotten used to their antics, too.]
The fight dragged on until both of them could hardly move. Simon heaved himself up against the wall, covering his face. "Who's the asscunt?" he said into his hand.
Kaleb rolled onto his back. "You punched me in the eye," he groaned.
"Here, let me do it again, my arm needs stretching."
[There, that was my concession to the prompt. Limber up before you start whaling on your right-hand dog, guys.]
"Fuck you."
"Well, this brings back memories," Walt said.
Simon let his hand fall and frowned up at him. "...Walt?"
[Simon didn't even see him. Way too busy welcoming Kaleb back.]
Walt decided not to notice the way his eyes had been glistening, just like he didn't comment on Kaleb's shaking arms. [Losers.] Instead, he just smiled a little and shrugged. "Hey, Psy. Looks like I'm joining the zoo."
[I remember that line being different in the Tumblr version before I edited it to this. This one ties back to the thing Simon said and ends the piece better. I NEED things to resolve at the end, I have a problem.]
This one has very little to do with the prompt as a whole, and I don't remember my thought process in writing it, except that I really wanted to do it. It started on the assumption that Kaleb and Psy got split up like they did in the Zombieland era of this RP, though I'm not sure on the current "canon" of events now.]
Walt kept his eyes on the road, though his hands tightened on the wheel with each of Isaiah's labored breaths until he didn't think he could feel his fingers anymore. He tried not to let it show. "I appreciate this, Kaleb," he said, holding his voice low.
[Because Kaleb was looking for Psy, and going back to the Farm is a huge delay for him. Kaleb is a pack animal, though, and he would have gotten attached to Isaiah by this point, too. Of course he'd take them back. Walt knows that, too, but he needs to say something.]
Kaleb shrugged. "Yeah, well." He didn't say anything after that. He just wrestled with the fold-out map, though Walt had noticed he'd stopped using it when they'd entered the city limits.
[Kaleb spent a long time at the Farm, he knows the place like the back of his hand. He considers it home now. Also, he's probably not very good at reading maps, since he's not very good at, you know, reading.]
"Really. If you didn't know this place," Walt began, but he broke off as Isaiah moaned in the backseat. Kaleb turned and then stretched over the armrest to check on him.
Walt glanced at Kaleb as he dropped back into his seat. "Fever's pretty bad," said Kaleb.
[He's probably infected. Not with zombie germs, but there's no medical care around and if you're at all seriously wounded, you're probably a goner.]
Neither of them spoke for a moment. "I know this is slowing you down," Walt finally said.
"Nah." Kaleb scratched the back of his neck and looked out the window. "I don't think he went that way. [It takes a lot for Kaleb to admit something he's doing is futile. So he doesn't.] I'll just look south this time. Turn right up there, and then left through the gate," he said, nodding ahead.
Walt took the corner as gently as he could, but the roads were in bad condition and he couldn't help jostling Isaiah. He breathed in slowly, watching the boy in the backseat--was everyone younger in their sleep? He watched Isaiah pale in the rearview mirror and swallowed.
[Because I think Isaiah is in some way Walt's humanity. Without Isaiah, Walt won't give up on everyone else, exactly, but he'll give up on letting things in, on being a whole person instead of a wry smile and a rifle.]
He jumped when Kaleb punched his shoulder.
[Walt doesn't know he's almost pack yet, but that's a good indication.]
"Don't worry." Kaleb propped his elbow against the passenger door and rested his temple on his fist. "Cookie's a sheep, but he's good. He'll fix your buddy."
[Kaleb's cool with all the gay dudes macking on each other in his life, but he doesn't really know how to express that. He's from Bumfuck, Montana. "Buddy" is the best he can do.]
Walt wasn't sure what to say. "Thanks, Kaleb," he managed.
"Sure." He pointed. "Right up that road."
"Hah," Walt said as they turned onto the campus grounds. "It's on a university?"
"Guess so. Why?"
Walt shook his head. "Nothing. Just a conversation I had, once. Which way?"
[This was awkward and I almost cut it, but the college thing was one of the conversations I got to see between Walt and Isaiah, so.]
"Right."
The classroom buildings gave way to open land and then a cornfield. Walt saw the farm in the distance and made for it without having to be told.
"Do we knock?"
Kaleb dropped any pretense at reading the map. "They'll hear the car."
Walt parked directly in front of the door and got out to help Kaleb carry Isaiah, but Kaleb shrugged him off. "I got it, Potsheep," he said, and Walt stepped back and turned off the engine. In the sudden silence he heard activity on the other side of the door.
[I kind of wish I'd taken another moment to linger on how Walt wants to take care of something he's starting to realize he wants to be his. Of course Kaleb can carry Isaiah, he is a big strapping dude with no other redeeming qualities. But Isaiah is Walt's. And Walt is starting to realize he might be thinking like that.]
Ignoring what he'd said himself, Kaleb kicked at the door.
"Hold on, we've just got to—" someone said, and then the door swung inward. A tall, sallow man in a lab coat looked up and then gaped at Kaleb.
"Little help here, Sheep?" Kaleb grunted.
"Kal--" Kaleb shouldered his way past and strode in like he owned the place. Walt pocketed the Pilot's keys and followed after.
A few others crowded into the entrance hall, but Kaleb spoke over all of them. "Save it--this guy's in bad shape, so if you'd move--"
The white coat who'd opened the door seemed to gather himself. [Since I was writing this from Walt's perspective, I tried really hard not to use characters' names, since Walt hadn't met them yet.] "Take him to the back room, Kaleb. Mack, go get a kit from the lab. Josh, blankets." The boys darted away and he closed the door. He turned to the one left, the girl. "Ashleigh, I need your help." She straightened and nodded and hurried after Kaleb.
"Um," Walt started, raising his hand.
[But even if he's maybe a wreck about Isaiah, Walt can't help being kind of funny.]
The man looked back at him and blinked. "Oh. Hello. Er." His eyes flicked back down the hall, then returned. "Sorry, we'll introduce ourselves later. Can you move the table back in front of the door?"
"Sure." The coat smiled distractedly and headed off, and Walt added, "Thanks for helping us."
The man--Cookiesheep?--glanced back, surprised. "Of course," he said, as if it were obvious.
[And goodness isn't as obvious to Walt, Kaleb, and Simon as it is to the others. I think that might be part of what Kaleb recognizes, what makes them pack.]
Walt stared after him a moment. Kaleb, of all people, knew people like these.
[And I think Walt and Simon have a pack sense, too. Simon probably more than Walt, but Walt knows enough about Kaleb to be surprised by this.]
He pushed a wooden table in front of the door, telling himself he wasn't listening for voices down the hall but hearing them anyway. The man was quiet, but his directions came quickly, and Walt felt a knot start to loosen in his chest that he hadn't known was there. He heard Kaleb start to say something, but the girl snapped at him, and the doctor threw him out before it could escalate into a fight.
[Kaleigh 5eva.]
Walt passed through the foyer and found himself in the kitchen, where their hosts had clearly been interrupted mid-snack. Kaleb padded back into view and made straight for an unfinished bag of potato chips.
"You all right, Pot--?"
"What the fuck is going on out there?"
They both froze.
[Simon is the hardest to write, bleh.]
A door opened further down the hall. "Who the hell is this fag? Is he dead?"
"No--please, Simon, I'm trying to--"
"Get out of the way, Simon!" the girl snapped.
Kaleb dropped the potato chip and lunged toward the hall, but caught himself at the corner. He held his breath.
"You better not be expecting to keep Siddhartha here, this place is already a stupid fucking zoo for pussies." The door creaked again.
[Char, come in here and fix all of Simon's dialogue, okay. Although I like the Siddhartha comment.]
"Oh--Simon, Kaleb's--"
But they'd already seen each other.
Walt saw the line of Kaleb's shoulders change. He thought for a moment he might--
[I don't remember if Walt was thinking Kaleb might hug Simon or cry. One of those.]
But then Kaleb tore down the hall and tackled Simon to the floor.
They crashed into the wall in a tangled yell of punches and swears, and Cookiesheep came back to the door at the same time Walt got to the hall. "Si--Kaleb, stop!" the doctor said, but Kaleb had the upper hand and he landed a couple solid blows to Simon's jaw before Simon threw him off. "Simon!" But Simon wasn't listening, either, and Kaleb coughed as Simon kneed him in the ribs. Cookiesheep started forward to separate them.
[Because Lyall hasn't been introduced to him yet by name, he has to call him Cookiesheep.]
"Let them," Walt said. Cookie stared at him and he shook his head. "I'll make sure they don't kill each other."
[Walt doesn't know he's pack, but he knows how to handle pack.]
The man hesitated, but then Kaleb shouted, "You fucking cockhat good-for-nothing ASSCUNT!"
[Asscunt. What does that even mean. I like that word, it shows how little Kaleb actually thinks about the things he says, and how he has so many feelings he just CAN'T. EXPRESS. HOW MUCH OF AN ASSCUNT SIMON IS!]
That seemed to decide him, and he nodded to Walt. "I'll leave them to you."
[Lyall's gotten used to their antics, too.]
The fight dragged on until both of them could hardly move. Simon heaved himself up against the wall, covering his face. "Who's the asscunt?" he said into his hand.
Kaleb rolled onto his back. "You punched me in the eye," he groaned.
"Here, let me do it again, my arm needs stretching."
[There, that was my concession to the prompt. Limber up before you start whaling on your right-hand dog, guys.]
"Fuck you."
"Well, this brings back memories," Walt said.
Simon let his hand fall and frowned up at him. "...Walt?"
[Simon didn't even see him. Way too busy welcoming Kaleb back.]
Walt decided not to notice the way his eyes had been glistening, just like he didn't comment on Kaleb's shaking arms. [Losers.] Instead, he just smiled a little and shrugged. "Hey, Psy. Looks like I'm joining the zoo."
[I remember that line being different in the Tumblr version before I edited it to this. This one ties back to the thing Simon said and ends the piece better. I NEED things to resolve at the end, I have a problem.]